Nora Jean’s Birth Story
"The present sufferings cannot be compared to the glory that is yet to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
I thought we had been through a lot. We struggled to stay pregnant in 2013/2014 and went through 2 miscarriages, followed by months of testing and doctor's appointments.
It was discovered I had several blood clotting disorders (three, in fact) and would need to give myself twice daily blood thinner shots, on top of a slew of other medications, in order to carry a pregnancy to term.
In July of 2014, we found out we were pregnant for the third time. In March of 2015, our son was born (after quite a lengthy and difficult labor/birth, but that's par for the course for me, right?) and he was the most beautiful, perfect St. Patrick's Day gift the world has ever seen. I had my own real live rainbow baby, born on the luckiest day of the year. It seemed only fitting.
My husband and I had claimed we were "one and done". We had been through a lot, I didn't have the easiest pregnancy, and the labor, birth, and recovery of our son was no easy picnic, so what on earth would make us want to go through it again? No way, one. and. done.
Fast forward to the summer after our son turned 2, and we were starting to think, "Hey, this is easy now, why not have another?" Truth be told, I have always loved babies and children, so while I am content with one, I really did long for another. Plus, we loved watching our son interact with other kids, and he just LOVED his baby cousin...we decided we wanted to give him a sibling. Being a teacher, I wanted another spring baby to be able to take off the last part of the school year and not have to go back until August, so we decided to time it just like we had our son.
In July of 2017 we found out we were pregnant for a fourth time. But this time wouldn't be scary, I thought. We knew what had caused the miscarriages, we knew how to fix them, and we had proven that with the birth of our son. I promptly called my doctor just about the second the test was dry, and we went in for our first blood draw. I was prescribed all of my medicines, including the shots. Everything looked great.
Except, it wasn't.
I worried so very much. I couldn't get the worry out of my mind and heart. Now, side note, if you know me personally, you may not feel like that's much different than my usual self. And really, it's not. I'm a worrier. Always have been. Probably always will be. But this was different. The first part of the pregnancy I was constantly "down". We chalked it up to the fact that this time my thyroid was out of whack and I was on medication for that, which I had never been on in my life. Surely, that was it.
We made it through the rest of the summer, the start of the school year, and the beginning of fall. Our son was so excited about being a big brother. He said from the day we told him that it was a baby girl. I wasn't so sure, mainly because I truly did want a girl and was trying not to get my hopes up. But really, I just wanted healthy. After losing two, I knew how selfish it was to wish for one gender over another. I hoped for a girl to be able to do all the ruffles and frills, but deep down, healthy is all my heart craved. However, at my 12 week appointment they hinted that they thought it was a girl, and at the end of September we confirmed that our son was right. He was going to get a baby sister!
On October 13th, we had gone out for a late dinner. As we left, I went to the restroom and discovered I was having some bleeding. This was the second time this pregnancy (the first was a quick scare on Labor Day) so we tried not to panic too much. We took our son to my mother's and went to the L&D emergency room. I was 17 weeks, 3 days. I was checked out, and deemed fine.
The next few days I had some light bleeding, and called my doctor on October 19th. It was a Thursday, and I wanted to get checked out before the weekend. They suspected a UTI. They're common in pregnancy, and could attribute for all of the symptoms I was having. We had an ultrasound, in which everything looked great, they saw baby girl moving around (by this point we had decided on the name Nora), and could tell that she was in a breech position and kicking my cervix. They also watched as I had several Braxton Hicks contractions back to back. We decided that must be the pain I was feeling. UTI, Braxton Hicks, and an 18 week, 2 day baby kicking my cervix. I was prescribed an antibiotic, told to rest, and sent home. From this day on, I had contractions every day.
On October 22nd, my husband left for Cincinnati for work. My son and I were going to stay with my mom for the two nights he was away since I was still having some pain. I had decided I was going to call my doctor first thing on Monday morning and went ahead and scheduled a sub. I went to the school to get things ready, and when I got back to my mom's, the bleeding had increased significantly and the contractions became so intense I was having to breathe through them. I called the on call doctor and she advised me to go on into the L&D emergency room. When Rusty’s plane took off, I was home and fine, and when he landed, I had to tell him I was being admitted. Still, I was checked and wasn't dilating. They did an ultrasound, and the ER doctor said he thought he might have seen a small abruption, but he wasn't sure. I was given pain medicine and the contractions stopped. At this point, I was 18 weeks, 5 days.
I stayed in the hospital 2 nights, where I had another ultrasound and everything looked ok. My cervix was a little short, but they did not see an abruption. They said for some reason I was bleeding, which caused the uterus to contract. Once the bleeding stopped, everything should settle down. I was told multiple times there was nothing they could do. Medication to stop contractions is only given later in pregnancy when there is a chance of viability, as it only stops contractions for about 72 hours max. At that point, 72 hours wouldn't put us in any better situation than we already were. There are maintenance medicines, like progesterone, but they usually don't have any effect if there is bleeding. Still, I begged them to let me try and they agreed. However, there was no way to stop the bleeding. It was just wait and see. They sent me home on bedrest for the rest of the week.
On October 26th, I woke up with intense contractions around 5 AM. My husband sat with me for the next 3 hours so we could make it to my doctor instead of going to the emergency room again. The contractions were still going on when we made it to the hospital around 9. We got to the office and we were told my doctor was still out of town (I had not seen her about any of this yet) and the other two OBs were in surgery and I couldn't see anyone until 1:30. Our only option was the emergency room. We found out when we got there that my least favorite doctor was also the one on call. He had seen me on a prior visit and was rude and hateful. It was an awful morning, full of being told yet again that all they could do was give me pain medicine. I was checked and still not dilating, so they sent me back home. I was 19 weeks, 2 days.
The following Wednesday was supposed to be my 20 week appointment, but they moved it up to Monday, October 30th. I was 19 weeks, 6 days. At first, everything looked great. My cervix was long and Nora looked beautiful as always. While doing the ultrasound, though, they saw a contraction and my cervical length went from 3.2 to 2.2. This was the biggest concern to my doctor, because the contractions were clearly causing a change. They also saw an EICF on Nora's heart, which could indicate Down's syndrome and we were referred back to MFM for further ultrasounds. My OB wasn't too concerned about the EICF since all of our early bloodwork had come back normal, but it was just something else to worry about. My doctor decided to continue bedrest until at least 24 weeks. She told us that I could still get up and move around, but not to overdo it. She even told us I could go trick-or-treating the next night, as long as I kept it to just a few houses. I’m thankful I was able to celebrate and have fun with Nolan.
On November 1st, contractions started around 5:30 PM as my husband was on his way home from work. They became so intense that I started timing them. From 5:30 until around 9:00 I had a contraction every 2 minutes, lasting at least 45 seconds each. I took some pain medicine and finally got to sleep. I was 20 weeks, 1 day. We decided since they finally eased up, we would wait until the morning to call.
On November 2nd, I called my doctor as soon as they opened. The nurse called back and had us come in for an ultrasound at 1:20, and then see the doctor afterwards. During the ultrasound, my cervical length was short, my amniotic fluid was low, and they saw a significant bleed. The tech specifically said it didn't look like an abruption, though, because all the way around my placenta looked attached. We went into the room to talk to my OB thinking she would send me back home on bedrest. We were expecting another "there's nothing else we can do, just keep doing what you're doing." She instead came in and told us she was incredibly worried and was afraid this might be the beginning of the end. We both fell apart, but I can't thank her enough for being honest with us. She admitted me immediately and they got me set up with fluids hoping it would increase my amniotic fluid. I'm a hard stick, so the process of getting an IV took over an hour. They had to get a vein in my knuckles on my right hand, so I couldn't use my hand all night. I was 20 weeks, 2 days at this point.
That night was very scary. I woke up around midnight with really intense contractions and we thought my water had broken (information we have since gotten leads us to believe that my water did in fact break that night). They wouldn't let me up to use the restroom because they thought I might deliver if I got up. They took me down to L&D and talked me into taking some pain medicine. I finally passed the blood clot they had seen on the ultrasound, and felt immediate relief. All the nurses felt that was the issue, and we rested well after the early morning hours thinking things were looking up. They went ahead and started me on a regimen of antibiotics just in case. We also had a sweet, sweet nurse who took extra time to help get my IV in a comfortable position on my opposite arm, which was so nice. I was able to use both hands again!
On November 3rd, at 20 weeks, 3 days, we had another ultrasound. We found out my cervix had lengthened, my fluid level was back up, and they did not see the big bleed anymore! We were ecstatic. They did still see a little leftover blood, so we knew I would still have some cramping while my body tried to get it all out, but we were hopeful the worst was over. My doctor was hopeful about making it to 24+ weeks, but she did say she was afraid this was a cycle I might be in since there was still blood. I was sent back up to the high risk OB floor.
That night, contractions began again. Since we thought this was just a cycle, instead of being taken back to L&D, they just kept me on the high risk floor and doped me up. I was given Demerol and Phenergan, then Percocet, then more Demerol and Phenergan, then more Percocet, and finally Nubain. Nothing took the pain away for more than an hour. The nurses weren't very helpful and I felt like they didn't believe the amount of pain I was in. After the Nubain, I began vomiting, but the pain finally subsided after about 8 hours of intense, every 2 minute contractions. Throughout everything, our only course of action was using the pain medication to relax my uterus and stop contractions. They had worked every time, until now. Every time that night that I woke up with more contractions, I was terrified.
On November 4th, at 20 weeks, 4 days, we had a repeat ultrasound and fluid was low, blood was collecting, and my cervix was shortening. We were almost exactly where we had been upon admittance. The on call doctor allowed me to start a medication called Indocin, which can stop contractions. It worked so well, and also knocked me completely out. I slept most of that day. I'm thankful now that I was able to get that rest. I went 24 hours without a contraction for the first time in almost 3 weeks.
On November 5th, my doctor came in. The Indocin made her very nervous. It's not safe while on blood thinners as it has a heightened risk of abdominal bleeding. It's also a medication that can only be given for 48 hours anyway, so while it gave me some rest, it wasn't a long term solution. We made the decision to come off the medication. Because of everything going on, my OB decided she wanted to send me to UAB. This was a Sunday, so she was going to call first thing Monday morning and see about transferring me to their high risk department.
That night, around 8:00, contractions began again. My IV had also blown. They gave me pain meds in my muscle and worked for over 2 hours to get another IV, which they had to get in the bend of my elbow, so I couldn't bend my arm. I had multiple rounds of pain medicine. From 8:00, contractions never stopped. I threw up all night from the pain. Again, I felt like the nurses didn't believe the amount of pain I was in. After all, according to my chart, I wasn't in preterm labor. Since I was so early, the contraction monitor wouldn't even pick up my contractions. Everything about that night was miserable. We cried, I screamed, and we prayed, since that was all we could do.
On the morning of November 6th, around 7:45 AM, my doctor came in to check on me. Up until this point, I had not had any dilation. My cervix was always closed, though short. She sat on the bed, and told us that I was 4 cm and Nora would be coming that day. I cannot explain the emotional pain that took over the physical pain at that point. We realized this was happening and nothing could stop it. I heard my doctor quietly asking the nurse, "Fetal tones?" and my nurse replied, "Still in the 150s." I'll never forget my doctor's face when she heard that. I realize now that she was probably expecting the nurse to tell her they couldn't find the heartbeat. My husband called our parents, and we were taken down to L&D. I could hear my doctor talking to my husband on the way down, and she was telling him that I wouldn't be able to have an epidural unless I made it to noon, since my last dose of heparin had been at midnight. The anesthesiologist would not do an epidural until 12 hours after a blood thinner. I heard her telling my husband that this could take several hours, or it could be quick. I prayed in the elevator between the contractions that it would be fast.
When we got to L&D, people were rushing around getting things ready. It wasn't long after them rolling my in that I felt my water completely break. I remember the surreal feeling I had. I could not believe that my water had really just broken. Surely this was a nightmare and I would wake up. Right after that, I felt pressure and knew I needed to push. My OB got her gloves on, and told me I could.
At 8:35 on November 6th, Nora Jean Collins entered this world. She came out with a tiny cry, and I looked over as they walked her to the bassinet to clean her off and saw her little hand waving in the air. My OB called for the NICU. She described her over and over as "vigorous". I prayed out loud as hard as I could for there to be a way, to please allow her to have a chance, for my baby girl to live. Unfortunately, those prayers were met with a "not here on Earth". The NICU team all agreed that she was too early. After that, we were able to have our time. I asked them to remove my IV from my arm so I could bend it and snuggle with her. They helped me have some skin to skin time with her. She held on to my finger when I placed it in her hand. She wiggled against me as I positioned her on my chest. I could see the rise and fall of her chest and could see her little heart beat. My husband had time to hold her and love on her. He cuddled with her and rocked her. We told her about her big brother, and how much he loved her. We told her about her grandparents, and how much everyone had prayed for her.
After a little over an hour, Nora went from our arms to the arms of Jesus. Her eyes didn't open here on Earth, but when they did she saw the face of her Heavenly Father.
Today is her due date. Instead, it has been over four months since I held her. It doesn’t seem real.
I miss my daughter. My living, breathing daughter, that I heard cry and who held my finger and who wiggled her tiny little arms and that I held on to for 70 minutes here on Earth and I cannot wait to hold in Heaven. I will, one day. I know that. And I know that when that happens, when I see her in Heaven, the joy I have at that moment will not even compare to the sufferings of this present time.
Until then, I will share her story and shout her name so she is not forgotten. I will share so that another hurting mama can know she is not alone. I will share so that other grieving parents can find hope and comfort in Jesus.
I thought we had been through a lot. We struggled to stay pregnant in 2013/2014 and went through 2 miscarriages, followed by months of testing and doctor's appointments.
It was discovered I had several blood clotting disorders (three, in fact) and would need to give myself twice daily blood thinner shots, on top of a slew of other medications, in order to carry a pregnancy to term.
In July of 2014, we found out we were pregnant for the third time. In March of 2015, our son was born (after quite a lengthy and difficult labor/birth, but that's par for the course for me, right?) and he was the most beautiful, perfect St. Patrick's Day gift the world has ever seen. I had my own real live rainbow baby, born on the luckiest day of the year. It seemed only fitting.
Fast forward to the summer after our son turned 2, and we were starting to think, "Hey, this is easy now, why not have another?" Truth be told, I have always loved babies and children, so while I am content with one, I really did long for another. Plus, we loved watching our son interact with other kids, and he just LOVED his baby cousin...we decided we wanted to give him a sibling. Being a teacher, I wanted another spring baby to be able to take off the last part of the school year and not have to go back until August, so we decided to time it just like we had our son.
In July of 2017 we found out we were pregnant for a fourth time. But this time wouldn't be scary, I thought. We knew what had caused the miscarriages, we knew how to fix them, and we had proven that with the birth of our son. I promptly called my doctor just about the second the test was dry, and we went in for our first blood draw. I was prescribed all of my medicines, including the shots. Everything looked great.
Except, it wasn't.
I worried so very much. I couldn't get the worry out of my mind and heart. Now, side note, if you know me personally, you may not feel like that's much different than my usual self. And really, it's not. I'm a worrier. Always have been. Probably always will be. But this was different. The first part of the pregnancy I was constantly "down". We chalked it up to the fact that this time my thyroid was out of whack and I was on medication for that, which I had never been on in my life. Surely, that was it.
We made it through the rest of the summer, the start of the school year, and the beginning of fall. Our son was so excited about being a big brother. He said from the day we told him that it was a baby girl. I wasn't so sure, mainly because I truly did want a girl and was trying not to get my hopes up. But really, I just wanted healthy. After losing two, I knew how selfish it was to wish for one gender over another. I hoped for a girl to be able to do all the ruffles and frills, but deep down, healthy is all my heart craved. However, at my 12 week appointment they hinted that they thought it was a girl, and at the end of September we confirmed that our son was right. He was going to get a baby sister!
On October 13th, we had gone out for a late dinner. As we left, I went to the restroom and discovered I was having some bleeding. This was the second time this pregnancy (the first was a quick scare on Labor Day) so we tried not to panic too much. We took our son to my mother's and went to the L&D emergency room. I was 17 weeks, 3 days. I was checked out, and deemed fine.The next few days I had some light bleeding, and called my doctor on October 19th. It was a Thursday, and I wanted to get checked out before the weekend. They suspected a UTI. They're common in pregnancy, and could attribute for all of the symptoms I was having. We had an ultrasound, in which everything looked great, they saw baby girl moving around (by this point we had decided on the name Nora), and could tell that she was in a breech position and kicking my cervix. They also watched as I had several Braxton Hicks contractions back to back. We decided that must be the pain I was feeling. UTI, Braxton Hicks, and an 18 week, 2 day baby kicking my cervix. I was prescribed an antibiotic, told to rest, and sent home. From this day on, I had contractions every day.
On October 22nd, my husband left for Cincinnati for work. My son and I were going to stay with my mom for the two nights he was away since I was still having some pain. I had decided I was going to call my doctor first thing on Monday morning and went ahead and scheduled a sub. I went to the school to get things ready, and when I got back to my mom's, the bleeding had increased significantly and the contractions became so intense I was having to breathe through them. I called the on call doctor and she advised me to go on into the L&D emergency room. When Rusty’s plane took off, I was home and fine, and when he landed, I had to tell him I was being admitted. Still, I was checked and wasn't dilating. They did an ultrasound, and the ER doctor said he thought he might have seen a small abruption, but he wasn't sure. I was given pain medicine and the contractions stopped. At this point, I was 18 weeks, 5 days.
I stayed in the hospital 2 nights, where I had another ultrasound and everything looked ok. My cervix was a little short, but they did not see an abruption. They said for some reason I was bleeding, which caused the uterus to contract. Once the bleeding stopped, everything should settle down. I was told multiple times there was nothing they could do. Medication to stop contractions is only given later in pregnancy when there is a chance of viability, as it only stops contractions for about 72 hours max. At that point, 72 hours wouldn't put us in any better situation than we already were. There are maintenance medicines, like progesterone, but they usually don't have any effect if there is bleeding. Still, I begged them to let me try and they agreed. However, there was no way to stop the bleeding. It was just wait and see. They sent me home on bedrest for the rest of the week.
On October 26th, I woke up with intense contractions around 5 AM. My husband sat with me for the next 3 hours so we could make it to my doctor instead of going to the emergency room again. The contractions were still going on when we made it to the hospital around 9. We got to the office and we were told my doctor was still out of town (I had not seen her about any of this yet) and the other two OBs were in surgery and I couldn't see anyone until 1:30. Our only option was the emergency room. We found out when we got there that my least favorite doctor was also the one on call. He had seen me on a prior visit and was rude and hateful. It was an awful morning, full of being told yet again that all they could do was give me pain medicine. I was checked and still not dilating, so they sent me back home. I was 19 weeks, 2 days.
The following Wednesday was supposed to be my 20 week appointment, but they moved it up to Monday, October 30th. I was 19 weeks, 6 days. At first, everything looked great. My cervix was long and Nora looked beautiful as always. While doing the ultrasound, though, they saw a contraction and my cervical length went from 3.2 to 2.2. This was the biggest concern to my doctor, because the contractions were clearly causing a change. They also saw an EICF on Nora's heart, which could indicate Down's syndrome and we were referred back to MFM for further ultrasounds. My OB wasn't too concerned about the EICF since all of our early bloodwork had come back normal, but it was just something else to worry about. My doctor decided to continue bedrest until at least 24 weeks. She told us that I could still get up and move around, but not to overdo it. She even told us I could go trick-or-treating the next night, as long as I kept it to just a few houses. I’m thankful I was able to celebrate and have fun with Nolan.
On November 1st, contractions started around 5:30 PM as my husband was on his way home from work. They became so intense that I started timing them. From 5:30 until around 9:00 I had a contraction every 2 minutes, lasting at least 45 seconds each. I took some pain medicine and finally got to sleep. I was 20 weeks, 1 day. We decided since they finally eased up, we would wait until the morning to call.
On November 2nd, I called my doctor as soon as they opened. The nurse called back and had us come in for an ultrasound at 1:20, and then see the doctor afterwards. During the ultrasound, my cervical length was short, my amniotic fluid was low, and they saw a significant bleed. The tech specifically said it didn't look like an abruption, though, because all the way around my placenta looked attached. We went into the room to talk to my OB thinking she would send me back home on bedrest. We were expecting another "there's nothing else we can do, just keep doing what you're doing." She instead came in and told us she was incredibly worried and was afraid this might be the beginning of the end. We both fell apart, but I can't thank her enough for being honest with us. She admitted me immediately and they got me set up with fluids hoping it would increase my amniotic fluid. I'm a hard stick, so the process of getting an IV took over an hour. They had to get a vein in my knuckles on my right hand, so I couldn't use my hand all night. I was 20 weeks, 2 days at this point.
That night was very scary. I woke up around midnight with really intense contractions and we thought my water had broken (information we have since gotten leads us to believe that my water did in fact break that night). They wouldn't let me up to use the restroom because they thought I might deliver if I got up. They took me down to L&D and talked me into taking some pain medicine. I finally passed the blood clot they had seen on the ultrasound, and felt immediate relief. All the nurses felt that was the issue, and we rested well after the early morning hours thinking things were looking up. They went ahead and started me on a regimen of antibiotics just in case. We also had a sweet, sweet nurse who took extra time to help get my IV in a comfortable position on my opposite arm, which was so nice. I was able to use both hands again!
On November 3rd, at 20 weeks, 3 days, we had another ultrasound. We found out my cervix had lengthened, my fluid level was back up, and they did not see the big bleed anymore! We were ecstatic. They did still see a little leftover blood, so we knew I would still have some cramping while my body tried to get it all out, but we were hopeful the worst was over. My doctor was hopeful about making it to 24+ weeks, but she did say she was afraid this was a cycle I might be in since there was still blood. I was sent back up to the high risk OB floor.
That night, contractions began again. Since we thought this was just a cycle, instead of being taken back to L&D, they just kept me on the high risk floor and doped me up. I was given Demerol and Phenergan, then Percocet, then more Demerol and Phenergan, then more Percocet, and finally Nubain. Nothing took the pain away for more than an hour. The nurses weren't very helpful and I felt like they didn't believe the amount of pain I was in. After the Nubain, I began vomiting, but the pain finally subsided after about 8 hours of intense, every 2 minute contractions. Throughout everything, our only course of action was using the pain medication to relax my uterus and stop contractions. They had worked every time, until now. Every time that night that I woke up with more contractions, I was terrified.
On November 4th, at 20 weeks, 4 days, we had a repeat ultrasound and fluid was low, blood was collecting, and my cervix was shortening. We were almost exactly where we had been upon admittance. The on call doctor allowed me to start a medication called Indocin, which can stop contractions. It worked so well, and also knocked me completely out. I slept most of that day. I'm thankful now that I was able to get that rest. I went 24 hours without a contraction for the first time in almost 3 weeks.
On November 5th, my doctor came in. The Indocin made her very nervous. It's not safe while on blood thinners as it has a heightened risk of abdominal bleeding. It's also a medication that can only be given for 48 hours anyway, so while it gave me some rest, it wasn't a long term solution. We made the decision to come off the medication. Because of everything going on, my OB decided she wanted to send me to UAB. This was a Sunday, so she was going to call first thing Monday morning and see about transferring me to their high risk department.
That night, around 8:00, contractions began again. My IV had also blown. They gave me pain meds in my muscle and worked for over 2 hours to get another IV, which they had to get in the bend of my elbow, so I couldn't bend my arm. I had multiple rounds of pain medicine. From 8:00, contractions never stopped. I threw up all night from the pain. Again, I felt like the nurses didn't believe the amount of pain I was in. After all, according to my chart, I wasn't in preterm labor. Since I was so early, the contraction monitor wouldn't even pick up my contractions. Everything about that night was miserable. We cried, I screamed, and we prayed, since that was all we could do.
On the morning of November 6th, around 7:45 AM, my doctor came in to check on me. Up until this point, I had not had any dilation. My cervix was always closed, though short. She sat on the bed, and told us that I was 4 cm and Nora would be coming that day. I cannot explain the emotional pain that took over the physical pain at that point. We realized this was happening and nothing could stop it. I heard my doctor quietly asking the nurse, "Fetal tones?" and my nurse replied, "Still in the 150s." I'll never forget my doctor's face when she heard that. I realize now that she was probably expecting the nurse to tell her they couldn't find the heartbeat. My husband called our parents, and we were taken down to L&D. I could hear my doctor talking to my husband on the way down, and she was telling him that I wouldn't be able to have an epidural unless I made it to noon, since my last dose of heparin had been at midnight. The anesthesiologist would not do an epidural until 12 hours after a blood thinner. I heard her telling my husband that this could take several hours, or it could be quick. I prayed in the elevator between the contractions that it would be fast.
When we got to L&D, people were rushing around getting things ready. It wasn't long after them rolling my in that I felt my water completely break. I remember the surreal feeling I had. I could not believe that my water had really just broken. Surely this was a nightmare and I would wake up. Right after that, I felt pressure and knew I needed to push. My OB got her gloves on, and told me I could.
At 8:35 on November 6th, Nora Jean Collins entered this world. She came out with a tiny cry, and I looked over as they walked her to the bassinet to clean her off and saw her little hand waving in the air. My OB called for the NICU. She described her over and over as "vigorous". I prayed out loud as hard as I could for there to be a way, to please allow her to have a chance, for my baby girl to live. Unfortunately, those prayers were met with a "not here on Earth". The NICU team all agreed that she was too early. After that, we were able to have our time. I asked them to remove my IV from my arm so I could bend it and snuggle with her. They helped me have some skin to skin time with her. She held on to my finger when I placed it in her hand. She wiggled against me as I positioned her on my chest. I could see the rise and fall of her chest and could see her little heart beat. My husband had time to hold her and love on her. He cuddled with her and rocked her. We told her about her big brother, and how much he loved her. We told her about her grandparents, and how much everyone had prayed for her.After a little over an hour, Nora went from our arms to the arms of Jesus. Her eyes didn't open here on Earth, but when they did she saw the face of her Heavenly Father.
Today is her due date. Instead, it has been over four months since I held her. It doesn’t seem real.
I miss my daughter. My living, breathing daughter, that I heard cry and who held my finger and who wiggled her tiny little arms and that I held on to for 70 minutes here on Earth and I cannot wait to hold in Heaven. I will, one day. I know that. And I know that when that happens, when I see her in Heaven, the joy I have at that moment will not even compare to the sufferings of this present time.
Until then, I will share her story and shout her name so she is not forgotten. I will share so that another hurting mama can know she is not alone. I will share so that other grieving parents can find hope and comfort in Jesus.
Comments
Post a Comment